The Common Misnomer About Marrying Young

I have heard it several times in several different ways. It is the same ol' stuff, over and over again, but the problem is it simply is not true.

"You're getting married and you're how old?"

"You're marrying at what age?"

"Even though you guys are young, I think you'll make it."

The idea is, it seems, if you marry young, though practically taboo nowadays, your marriage simply will not last. Or at least this is the message that everyone is putting across to me.

Unfortunately, they could not be farther from the truth.

Read this tidbit of information from Mirror for Humanity by Conrad Phillip Kottak (a leading secular anthropologist):

Cultures are not haphazard collections of customs and beliefs. Cultures are integrated, patterned systems. If one part of the system (the overall economy, for instance) changes, other parts change as well. For example, during the 1950s most American women planned domestic careers as homemakers and mothers. Most of today's college women, by contrast, expect to get paying jobs when they graduate. What are some of the social repercussions of this particular economic change? Attitudes and behavior regarding marriage, family, and children have changed. Late marriage, "living together," and divorce have become more common. The average age at first marriage for American women rose from 20 in 1955 to 25 in 2002. The comparable figures for men were 23 and 27 (U.S. Census Bureau 2004). The number of currently divorced Americans quadrupled from 4 million in 1970 to more than 19 million in 2001 (Lugaila 1999; Kreider and Fields 2002). Work competes with marriage and family responsibilities and reduces the time available to invest in child care. (p. 45)

From an anthropological point of view, women who have entered the work force have committed themselves to their jobs rather than to their families. This is one of the leading causes, from this point of view, for divorce. Notice the census information. It indicates that when you marry younger and have a commitment to the family rather than to the job you are less likely to get divorced than those who marry later and are deeply committed to their jobs.

And I would also like to add that I am at about the age that a person in the 50's would get married, so I am off to a good start.

However, this is not the only factor that plays into divorce. In 1952 the Bible was taken out of public schools as a text book. The following year divorce skyrocketed. So, there are at least two factors that I would like to point out for divorce: Christian foundation and personal commitment.

I have a solid and firm Christian foundation. Combine that with strong wife-kids oriented commitment in tandem with my future wife's husband-kids oriented commitment and we will be well-equipped for a long-lasting marriage that will never see the sting of divorce.

Statistically speaking, be aware that marrying young is better than marrying older because it forces you to place commitment where it belongs--with your spouse and kids--not with your job.

The common misnomer that young married couples won't last isn't valid or sound, especially when put against our culture's history. Whether it be me or someone else, don't stereotypically label us as the "Too Young To Be Married" group and subliminally suggest that we are doomed for divorce. It isn't logical and it isn't fair. After all, in view of the past marrying young is far better.

Here's a thought: let's try something new and support younger marriage instead. After all, it worked in the past, why wouldn't it work now?

Remember: age is not what counts in marriage, but determination and commitment is what binds the two together.

Cover-All Language and the Bible

I had a friend express to me his frustration with the Bible regarding what he called, "cover-all language." Now, by this he meant language that covers a myriad of ideas and topics, all in one word or phrase. His frustration is built into the fact that the Bible is not clear in certain issues. Indeed, at first glance there is much ambiguity of what we can and cannot do as Christians. Inevitably this is what Ben Witherington's blog referred to in his article, "The Age of Impatience and the Lust for Certainty." We live in an age, or culture, that must have things set out completely like a contract, and also must have it right now, not later. My friend, myself, and many others are all guilty for the lust of certainty--we all want to know exactly what we can and cannot do as set out before us by the Bible. However, it simply does not work this way. The Bible was never meant to be a set of rules and regulations to follow, nor is it a list of do's and don'ts.

And I know someone is thinking, "But wait, what are the Ten Commandments, then? They are a numbered list of do's and don'ts! You contradict yourself!" In truth the Ten Commandments were the first and greatest act of grace towards His new people, the Hebrews, whom He had delivered from the hands and lands of Pharaoh. Grace is in fact a huge and fundamental part of the Ten Commandments. "How so," you ask? Because for the first time God revealed how His people should live and be righteous. Up until this point they were walking in the dark, guessing as to whether or not they were pleasing God. But He gave them His commandments, thus demonstrating grace by showing His people how they were to live. So, the Bible does contain commands and exhortations, but these are to be seen as an act of grace on God's part to shed light on the righteous path so that we might not fall off of it and into the darkness. Such commands exist in the Bible to aid and guide you in your journey called life.

But what do we do in life when we come up to a situation that isn't mentioned in the Bible? My friend used the issue of pornography as an example. He said the Bible has "cover-all" language that addresses it, though indirectly. Take the words of Jesus that lusting after a woman is the same as committing adultery in the heart as an example: the Bible doesn't cover pornography, rather lust, which is very broad and general, it covers a multitude of ideas, hence the name, "cover-all language". It does not say directly that, "Thou shalt not look at porn," but rather, "Thou shalt not lust after women." His frustration lies in the generalities of such statements and the lust for prompt certainty regarding serious issues.

However, cover-all language is an important feature of the Bible. It is necessary so that the Bible can be universal--applicable to all generations and cultures throughout space and time--else it become void for one people group at any given time or place. And yet, I still find it interesting that sometimes the answer is right in front of us, but because we only read the Bible in English we miss much of what the Bible has to offer in answer to our many difficult questions.

Allow me to explain.

Note the definition, for the sake of my friend's example, of pornography as seen in my PowerBook's Oxford English Dictionary:

pornography

noun

printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.

ORIGIN mid 19th cent.: from Greek pornographos ‘writing about prostitutes,’ from pornē ‘prostitute’ + graphein ‘write.’

Now, notice beyond the definition and look at the composition of the word. What is the first word that you see? "Prostitute" (pornē). Right off the bat, without turning to the Bible, pornography is no longer just the visual art of nudity or sexual acts, but it is the mental and visual prostitution of the mind. That alone should set off some alarms. But what of the Bible? Since that is what we are focusing on right now, let's see where this word is in the Greek New Testament using Accordance.

The most pertinent instance that pornē is used is in 1 Corinthians 6:15-16:

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Should I therefore take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that whoever is united to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For it is said, “The two shall be one flesh.”

So, we know that prostitution is taboo for Christians. "But wait, prostitution is not the same as looking at pictures of prostitutes because looking at the pictures and videos does not join the two bodies together and defile them. This is still 'cover-all language.'" Fair enough; let's keep going.

The masculine form of pornē is pornos, meaning "one who practices sexual immorality," or more simply, "fornicator." One gloss has it like this: "prostitute chaser." 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 is clear that the believer is not to be a pornos (funny that pornography videos are referred to as "porno's"; see the relation?) nor should they even associate (have dinner) with them. It is a serious deal to be a pornos or involved with a pornē. Why? Because it practices an agenda that is hostile to God; it is a perversion of the wonders meant solely for marriage. It distorts and corrupts the minds of the participants, whether it be an active (one who actually sleeps with prostitutes, i.e., prostitution, fornication, or adultery) or passive (one who watches prostitutes in their business, i.e., pornography). No matter how you look at it, pornography is just another form of prostitution, although it is a legal form, it is not spiritually or psychologically beneficial, and it has absolutely no place in the life of the believer. Those Christians who watch porn or have a subscription with Playboy are associating themselves with the whole concept of pornos and pornē. But they are not to be of this world. No Christian should actively involve himself in prostitution or fornication, nor should there be any passive involvement either. Case-in-point: pornography is dealt with in the Bible, though not in English, and it is clear that it is not a part of the righteous life that God has called us to live.

Well, you may be thinking that this is good stuff, but it might be a stretch, and you would be right. For one, not everyone knows Greek. But here is the cusp of the whole argument: we do not need to seek the Bible for what to do and what not to do, rather we must look inward, for the Law of the Lord is impressed upon our hearts. What? You don't believe me?

Jeremiah 31:31-34 confirms it:

The days are surely coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah. It will not be like the covenant that I made with their ancestors when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt—a covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, says the LORD. But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. No longer shall they teach one another, or say to each other, “Know the LORD,” for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, says the LORD; for I will forgive their iniquity, and remember their sin no more.

Therefore, look to the Holy Spirit. The Bible does not contain all the do's and don'ts. Your heart does. And because they are on your heart, you cannot go anywhere without them. So the next time you feel the Holy Spirit crying out to you and tugging on your heart, pleading with you not to do something, like look at pornography, respond to it knowing that He is instructing you what to do. There is no question about what is right and wrong anymore because the Law of the Lord is within you and you have no excuse for the Holy Spirit is the one who leads you and guides you. Pay attention to the way your heart feels--know that the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. Follow His guidance and not the world's. But never forget that even in your lowliest times when you mistakenly did not adhere to the Holy Spirit's plea that God has forgiven you.

So is there "cover-all" language in the Bible? Sure. But it is an important feature because it helps make the Bible relevant to all cultures, to all people, in every present and future age to come. The specificity and certainty we desire may be found in the Bible, true, but it will most definitely be found upon your heart. And aside from all of that we ought not ask ourselves, "What can I or can't I do as a Christian?" Rather, we ought to ask, "How can I please God in this situation, action, or deed as a Christian?" When we seek to please God in all our actions, it is then that the questionable matters are no longer debatable, but become certain to not be pleasing to God and thus not worthy of our time.

May we all seek to please the Lord with all our actions and thoughts, and that we would all follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit, our inward helper.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.

Let your good spirit lead me on a level path.

Psalm 143:10

Need some spiritual encouragement?

Psalm 43:5; Romans 7:14-8:1; 1 John 2:1; Psalm 51:10, 17

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.
Psalm 43:5, NRSV

For we know that the law is spiritual; but I am of the flesh, sold into slavery under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, with my mind I am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh I am a slave to the law of sin.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 7:14-8:1, NRSV

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous;
1 John 2:1, NRSV

The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 51:17, NRSV

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10, NRSV

Praise be to God forever and ever! Amen.

What's So Special About Christianity?

There are so many philosophies and world views, religions and beliefs, and practicing and non-practicing "Christians." They all make distinctive claims, and each one holds that it alone is true, and Christianity is no exception. Stemming out from all these faith sects come many questions. "Which one is really true?" "Are they all true?" "Are they all wrong?" "Why must there be only one correct philosophy? Can't we all just go our own way and meet each other in the end?" Now, these are all good questions and they deserve an answer, especially this question: "What's so special about Christianity?"

I had someone ask me one time, "Why is it that God's name is capitalized? What right do we have to capitalize that name?" Well, I think what he was getting at is why is God so special that he should deserve special recognition. The answer to that question may very well be that Christians have influenced the development of the English language and that is why it is the way it is today, but I don't know for certain that is the reason. But this line of inquiry into the uniqueness of God and Christianity is very important. Jesus made some radical claims, like, "I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6).
If this is so, if Jesus is the only way to get to God, or rather for God to get to man, then it is imperative for our question to be answered so that we can know why Jesus is the only way so that we may understand why we believe what we believe. Therefore, I would like to give five answers to our question, "What's so special about Christianity?" and hopefully begin to work out the understanding of why I believe what I believe and why Jesus is in fact the only way to heaven and to God. Working out these five answers will not only make my faith my own, but it may be of some benefit to others as well, which is why I am posting it on my blog.

First, Christianity is not a religion--it's a relationship. Now, for the sake of this post, I am going to define religion as a systematic set of beliefs intermingled with sacred practice. In a sense, yes, Christianity is a religion--it is a systematic set of fundamental beliefs in the Trinity and salvation in tandem with holy living. However, it is so much more than that. It is much deeper than just believing a few things and practicing a few things. This is what every religion does. It conforms you to a few ideas about life and then motivates you to live in respect to those ideas. Christianity goes beyond that. Christianity is like what Simpson University says about its college: "It's personal." Christianity is all about having a relationship with God. In truth, everyone is related to God, but not everyone is in a right relationship with God. Everyone has been created by God and for God. Thus, everyone has a Creator-creation relationship with God. However, only those whose Savior is Jesus Christ and has been forgiven of all sin through his sacrifice are in right-standing with God; these are the ones who have a friendship with God because they know Jesus intimately. They talk to him. They share their problems, concerns, anxiety, and worries with him. They ask him for help and make certain requests. They thank him for all that he has done in their life. They worship him not only with songs and words but with their lives. They commune with him. They dine as if he is there with them. They honor and respect him. In fact, they love him. Christianity is different from all other religions because it is personal--it's a relationship. The God of this universe, the God who created everything the eye can see, including the eye that sees and the person who uses the eye, want to know that person far beyond His Creator-creation relationship. He wants to go deeper. This is only made possible by accepting Jesus as Savior, for he is the door, the path-way to the Father. And when that door is opened, it is no longer just a Creator-creation relationship that exists, but a Father-son relationship of the deepest most intimate kind. Christianity is indeed special.

Second, Christianity is the only religion that does not involve man working towards God, but it involves God working towards men. All other religions try to earn God's grace, or nature's grace, or earn righteousness with or without God or a god's approval, to some extent. Christianity is truly unique in that it is the only religion where God meets men where they are at, in their imperfection, and makes it possible for them to have grace. It is absolutely impossible to earn grace because our best deeds, works, and actions aren't but filthy, crimson stained rags to God because we are a fallen and imperfect race. However, unlike the other religions, God comes down to man and makes it possible to come into his fold of grace, not by our works, but through entering that personal relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. We don't have to make our way to God; God makes the way available to us. This is what grace is. It is an unmerited favor, something which you cannot earn or deserve, and this is what Christianity is based on--grace, not works--unlike other religions. Christianity is indeed special.

Third, in Christianity no payment is necessary for sins because they have already been paid for. There is no need for ritual cleansing to purify oneself. There is no need to offer up a sacrifice, whether it be monetary or animal, because the God of this universe, our Creator, loved us so much that he sent His only Son to come to earth in order to give himself up as a sacrifice for our sins. And as Hebrews has it, this sacrifice is eternal, covering our sins and sanctifying our lives for all eternity (10:10). Our sin debt--the ransom for our lives--has been paid through Jesus Christ. What other religion has it that their god died for them yet still lives because death could not contain him? In view of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ no other religion compares when it comes to dealing with sin and purifying oneself of it. Instead of having to go to a so-called "holy" river and cleanse oneself in order to be purified, Christians are already purified by grace and are saved from the effects of sin, that is eternal death. This is not to say that Christians do not sin, because they do, but it means that no sacrifice needs to be offered up because Christ already did so on our behalf. Rather, Christians ask for forgiveness to God who is abundantly gracious and forgiving. And that is what Christianity is all about--a loving, gracious and forgiving God. God is not a tyrant, or a corrupt judge, nor is he on a power trip to condemn us and watch us fall short of the standards we place on ourselves. No, God loves us and desires us to succeed, and we succeed by accepting His only Son who he gave up on our behalf so that we might live. Christianity is indeed unique.

Fourth, Christianity is the only religion where the God who is served can relate to His people. Christianity is all about the fact that Jesus, the Son of God who is equal to God, came down to earth in human form, thus experiencing life as a human, including temptation but not sin. He knows our struggles; he knows our pains. He knows our joys, too. He is able to relate with us because he has been there, except for sin. He was able to lead a perfect life--without sin--in the flesh, which is why he alone could offer himself up as a sacrifice on our behalf. But the point here is that the God that we praise and worship is a God that knows how we feel, that knows our struggles through plight and tribulation, trials and temptation. The God of Christianity relates with His people. He does not stand off as an overseer alone without any knowledge of what it is like to be tempted to sin or to have struggles and hardships or persecution. It would be so easy for people to say, "God, how would you know? You've never been there." The truth is, He has, because Jesus, his Son, experienced every trial and temptation that we have experienced. He can in fact relate to us. What other god of other religions can relate to those whom worship it, him, or her? No, but God dwelt among us in the flesh. He knows because he has been. Christianity is indeed outstanding.

Last, and tied in with the other four points combined, Christianity is the only religion where the God who is served suffered on the behalf of imperfect sinners, that is His followers, so that they might be able to live eternally in heaven with Him. The right to live in heaven is not conditional to how one lives his or her life on earth. The right belongs to those who have entered into a relationship with God by accepting Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, who offered himself as their ransom, thus making the path to God possible so that man did not have to or could not earn it, and also making it possible for God to be able to relate with His people. Eternal life belongs to these believers, these ones who are in right-standing with God. One does not have to earn it, living life in question: "Am I doing good enough to get to heaven?" One does not have to wonder, "Have I gone too far to the point that I can't get into heaven now?" May it never be, for heaven cannot be obtained, but it is reserved for those whom have put their trust in the Lord and have entered into a relationship with Him, a relationship that will last for all eternity. No other religion has it quite like that. Heaven will never be earned. Humans are too imperfect, too fallen to obtain something so holy, glorious, and splendorous. It is only by God's grace, by God's provision through Jesus Christ that one can enter heaven. Christianity is indeed remarkable.

Again, I ask, "What is so special about Christianity?" How about the fact that unlike every other religion, Christianity is not about ritual and religious practice but about an intimate relationship with God, the Creator of the universe and our Creator. How about the fact that Christianity is not about works to save one's life but about grace, unlike every other religion in the world. Furthermore, Christianity is special because sin has been totally, completely, and eternally dealt with for those who know Jesus as their personal Savior and no longer have to go through ritual cleansing or purification rites. Beyond that, how about the fact that the God of Christianity has experienced humanity in every way including death but not sin, which is why he alone was able to resurrect from the dead. And also, how about the fact that Christianity is the only religion that heaven cannot be earned, bought or rented by works and good deeds, but rather it is reserved for all eternity for those who have placed a faith deposit in a secure place--Jesus Christ--and though these Christians may die an earthly and human death, they will live for all eternity in heaven. Certainly Christianity is different from the rest. Notice this very thing: if you take out Buddha from Buddhism, then you will still have a philosophy; if you take Confucius out of Confucianism, then you will still have a code of ethics; if you take out Jesus Christ from Islam, then you not only have an impersonal god but also an unbearable code of religious practice and ethics; but the moment you take out Jesus Christ from Christianity the whole thing falls apart. He is the foundation, the fundamental building block, and without him, none of this would have been made possible. No life in heaven could be possible. No sin would be able to be forgiven. No relationship with God would ever be possible. Christianity is special because Jesus Christ was and is absolutely unique. You want to know what's so special about Christianity? Let me tell you: Jesus Christ.

Intelligent Design and the Brain

I am currently studying the immense complexity of the human brain in psychology. The brain is absolutely amazing! Roughly the size of a grapefruit and weighing in at approximately three pounds, my tofu-appearing brain is the most amazing computer around, even more-so than my PowerBook (Coon 2005, 51). Using billions and billions of neurons, somas, axons and axon terminals, ions, synapses, neurotransmitters, and neuropeptides the brain can compute and analyze far quicker than any PC or Mac. It is a complex network where every cell within the brain is linked to up to 15,000 others, which makes it possible to process immense quantities of information (Coon 2005, 51). Not only that, but in minor damages the brain can in fact heal itself. In essence it is the only self troubleshooting and hardware-fixing computer around. Vision, memory, hearing, language, analytical thinking and reasoning--just about everything your body does, generally speaking--is executed by the brain, with the exception of reflexes, which are controlled by the spinal cord.

The brain, like the rest of the human body and nature for that matter, is obviously complex. So much so, however, that there must be design. It cannot conceivably be possible that human life and the human brain evolved into complex existence for no reason in particular. There must have been a Creator who set it all into motion, at the least, for a specific purpose. I am talking about intelligent design. I believe the brain is just one example of a creative, intelligent design, and I believe that its complexity is not due to an evolutionary process of "survival of the fittest" and adaption. It cannot be probable for a brain this detailed and complex to simply evolve over time, at least in my mind. The simple fact of the matter is that there is design in nature and inevitably in ourselves, that is, the human brain, which testifies to a creative Designer--God. God took great care in creating us; if you do not believe me, then look around you and you will see what I am talking about. God not only created us with intelligent design but also all of creation: the earth; the stars; the planets; everything.

God created us with biological computers (our brain) and cameras (our eyes); if you think your Sony desktop and digital camera were cool, just go to your local library and check out a human biology book and look at the details and the complexity of both the eye and the brain. God created us in a world that if the earth were tilted in one more degree in any way life would not be possible on this planet, not to mention that if the earth were just a little bit closer to the Sun we would all burn up, but if it were just a bit farther away we would all freeze. The earth, as far as we know for a fact thus far, is the only planet with the exact living conditions for life. I could go on and on, like about in nature how there over a specific number of known species of wasps and each one of those wasps has its own particular plant that only it can pollinate. And what of male/female design for reproduction (I'll let you piece that puzzle together). The point is that there is obvious design in nature, in the universe, in ourselves.

Yes, I believe in intelligent design. If you want proof, just think about what you think with and how it works. It's amazing, and so is the One who designed it.

For it was you who formed my inward parts;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

that I know very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.

In your book were written

all the days that were formed for me,

when none of them as yet existed.

How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

I try to count them—they are more than the sand;

I come to the end—I am still with you. Psalm 139:13-18




Coon, Dennis. 2005. Psychology: A Journey. 2nd ed. Belmont: Wadsworth.

Time to Ring In the New Year

So it is a new year and I thought I would write down a few things that would be coming to me this year:

 

1.  Graduation from college

2.  Marriage

3.  The work force

4.  Coaching

5.  Graduate School

 

1)  I am graduating with a BA in Bible and Theology (concentration in the New Testament) with honors in April.  Four long years and a degree to show for it! 

2)  I am getting married this summer to the most spectacular woman I know.  I know her pretty well, but I am particularly looking forward to getting to know the sides of her that I don't already know for the rest of my life.

3)  I am going to be entering the work force after summer and I cannot wait.  It is about time I start working at something that is useful and meaningful!

4)  I am going to be coaching my favorite sport sometime during the summer.  Why not impart this simple knowledge to some younger ones who can still keep up with the sport?

5)  I am going to be starting more school after summer.  I thought I was going to be done after graduation, but I still have a minimum of 7 years of school left; I had better get started.

 

What are you looking forward to in 2006?

 

Happy New Year!